Lame Quote of the Year
think we are going to win the West", Charlie "Meats"
Monfort, owner and
CEO of the Rockies, April 4 (Opening Day), 2005.
One more from Charlie "Chuckles"
"I know that a lot
of teams would like to have the nucleus of players and fan support we have."
(Maybe so, but the only Major League team might be Tampa Bay.
Most minor league teams above single A would probably stick with what
they have. Ed.)
Terrmel (Sister) Sledge, Padres
Coco Crisp, Red Sox
Milton Bradley, Mariners
Wily Mo Pena, Red Sox
Best Songs to Play
Way to the Game:
"Centerfield" by John Fogerty
"I Can't Help You Now" by Bonnie Raitt
"A lot of lies. A lot of lies. We have been told this and
told that, then nothing was done or the complete opposite was done. There
has been a lot of stuff that has happened and said from upstairs that hasn't
come true." Larry Walker, as quoted in the Denver Post.
Rockies Trade for Clemens, Giambi
Biggest Deal in Franchise History
April 1, 2005. The Colorado Rockies announced early this morning
that they had acquired the services of future Hall of Famers
Roger Clemens from Houston and slugger Jason Giambi from the
Yankees. Todd Helton, Matt Holiday, Preston Wilson, and Garret
Atkins will be sent to the Astros, while pitchers Jeff Francis,
Jason Jennings, Shawn Chacon, and Joe Kennedy will be dispatched
to New York as part of the deal. The Rockies also agreed to
continue paying the salaries of all players involved.
"To heck with the future, we want to win now!" exclaimed
Rockies' owner "Meats" Monford.
In related stories, Clemens and Giambi announced their
retirements from baseball, effective immediately.
Former Rockies Announcer Admits Steroid Use
Tried to divert attention by accusing Helton.
Wayne Hagin admitted he was only able to announce Rockies games
from 1993 through 2003 by getting hopped up on "the juice".
"There was no way I could have maintained that level of mindless
chatter without massive doses of artificial stimulants. I just
didn't have the strength or the brain power without them," the
broken pundit sobbed at a hastily-called press conference in St.
Louis Monday. He went on to admit that he was still ingesting
massive doses of the illegal drug and only accused Rockies'
first baseman Todd Helton of doing the same in order to send
investigators on a wild goose chase.
When told that Helton said he would never speak to him again,
Wayne said "He never said much when he was talking to me
anyway," as he offered this reporter a joint (refused,
politely). "I couldn't keep it up without this (holding up a
baggie of weed), or this!", waving three open bottles of his
employer's most popular beverage (Budweiser), freshly plucked
from what must have been at least a 100 gallon tub of ice and
"Why do you think I was always talking about the restaurants and
hinting that the proprietors should deliver some of their
products to the booth? The weed and 'roids give you a terrific
appetite", he said, munching on several hot dogs while he licked
cheese sauce from the top of a gigantic order of nachos. "A few
of these keep me awake and keep the lips flapping too!", the
dizzy sportscaster exclaimed as he dumped a half bottle of pills
down is craw from a bottle with someone else's name typed on the
you didn't pay very close attention to the game?" asked a
reporter in the back of the room. Hagin threw an unopened bottle
of Bud in the general direction of the reporter as he exclaimed
in his trademark whiny, high pitched voice: "Game, hell! Half
the time we didn't even know who was playing."
Suddenly grown surly, the erratic announcer signalled the end of
further dialog with an obscenity-riddled tirade of how the
entire free press distorted everything, anyway, apparently
forgetting that group included himself.
For those of you who haven't
guessed, the above article is an attempt at satire, aimed at
directing the same misinformation in the direction of Mr. Hagin
that he directed toward Todd Helton earlier this month.
Burnitz Not a Good Fit
December 22, 2003. The Rockies signed Jeremy Burnitz to take the
place of Jay Payton as the starting left fielder.
On the positive side, Burnitz has shown power throughout his career,
averaging just over 30 homers a year since coming up with the Mets
Now for the negative....
Read the rest of the story
Season Ticket Prices Frozen by Rockies for Fifth Straight Year
Remember supply and demand? To refresh your memory, it goes like this:
When the demand for goods exceeds the supply, prices rise until
Conversely, when supply exceeds demand, prices drop,
thereby stimulating demand.
The goal is for supply to equal demand,
resulting in the best return for both buyers and sellers.....
the rest of the story
September 11, 2005. If there is
one thing that is ruining baseball in Denver it is sports
"writers" at the Denver Post, especially "Humidor Head", better
known as Troy E. Renck (we don't know why he insists on
including his middle initial, perhaps there is a more famous
Troy Renck of whom we have never heard).
Click here to see how lame Renck
Pueblo must be where they train those Post "sportswriters"
October 18, 2006. While surfing the Internet, we ran across this article by a
"writer" for the Pueblo Chieftain, which may or may not be an actual newspaper
in Pueblo, Colorado. The Author, a Mr. Mike Spence, apparently has a grudge
against former Rockies' manager Jim Leyland. Worse yet, Mr. Spence seems to have
a total disdain for the facts and reason itself. As usual, the Baseball Observer
is here to provide the real story. Click here.
Johnny Callison - 1939-2006
October 12, 2006. Johnny
Callison died today. He was responsible, more than any other player for
interesting the Baseball Observer in baseball. There has never been a player
like him. For a few glorious years with the Phillies, he was the finest
outfielder ever to play the game. No one could throw from right field like he
could, and the only thing that stopped him from having more outfield assists
than anyone in history was that everyone stopped trying to run on him. But the
spirit with which he played the game was what set him apart from all other
players before or since. Every time I saw him play, in person or on TV, I
couldn't help but feel the same excitement that seemed to radiate from him,
culminating in the greatest at bat of his career, hitting the 3-run homerun with
two outs in the bottom of ninth to win the 1964 All Star game. To the Baseball
Observer, that was the greatest at bat in baseball history, but it should have
been expected from the greatest clutch hitter of all time. As all Phillies fans
know, that year turned out to be an unspeakable tragedy that deprived Callison
and the rest of a great team the World Series they deserved. Those Phils should
have been world champs, but they weren't. And Johnny Callison isn't in the Hall
of Fame. But he should be.
A New Low In 19-11 Loss To Dodgers
September 28, 2006. It used to be "Fan
Appreciation Day". The last game was always sold out, now
it's practically empty. No excitement, no chance to win prizes,
and they weren't even marking down 2006 merchandise in the
stadium store. Most of the concession stands from previous
years are gone, along with the fans that waited in line in front
of them. Today wasn't much of a sendoff for Vinnie Castilla,
either. In his last home game in a Rockies uniform, Vinnie got a
standing ovation and a curtain call, along with an RBI single
and a run scored. But, there were none of his old teammates
there to send him off, and
the video they prepared was so short they had to loop it
multiple times to fill the short ceremony between innings. All in
all, the Rockies did a terrible job finishing a season that
started with such fanfare, and a lousy job of marking the end of
a wonderful career. To top it off, they played the worst
game this reporter has ever seen. They should be investigated
for throwing the three games and making a mediocre Dodger team
look like the 1929 Yankees. So, we found one more thing that the
Monfort Rockies have no respect for - the integrity of the Game
of Baseball. Is it possible for them to sink any lower? Stay
Spoken -- Rockies Won't Listen
September 17, 2006. Rockies fans polled by
the Denver Post today made it perfectly clear how they feel
about the Rockies' decision to bring back both Manager Clint
"Hicksville" Hurdle and General Manager Dan "Dealin' Dan" O'Dowd
for the 2007 season. In the poll, 61.4% of the fans voted to
replace O'Dowd, while 52.2% recommended that Hurdle be replaced.
Only 26.8% want to bring both of them back (the Monforts had
their staff calling all night) and 40.5% would like to flush
both of them. More proof that Rockies' management doesn't know
anything about running a team, and doesn't care what the fans
want. Given their record, they would obviously be better off
listening to the fans, especially when you consider, as they
never do, that companies that don't hear their customers always
fold eventually, even monopolies. Meanwhile, the team will
finish in last place again, with a slight attendance gain earned
by promising the fans that the team would be better this year,
and not delivering. This has created even more disgruntled
ex-fans, insuring poor attendance in the future. They will have
to win all 162 games next year to get attendance to rise. We
wonder how many fans would like to replace everyone in the front
office from the Monforts on down.
Returns, Worse Than Ever!
August 30, 2006. You remember the worst
sportswriter in Denver history, don't you? You should also
remember that he promised not to write about the Rockies anymore
when he moved to Broncos coverage. Well, he lied. Mark Kiszla
couldn't think of anything else to write about last Sunday, so
he weighed in on the Rockies' sinking ship, along with those
other rates. Click to
read his garbage for nostalgia's sake, along with
the Observer's brilliant comments, of course.
Continues to Hang On!
August 14, 2006. The Rockies have managed
to avoid bad luck all year, and the streak continues. Their
starting pitching has exceed the wildest dreams of everyone.
Jennings, Cook, Kim, Frances, and Fogg are keeping the team
afloat in spite of an anemic offense and inconsistent relief
pitching. The fact that they have all managed to avoid major
injuries is equally amazing. All of the other teams in the West
have had less luck, with major stars dropping like flies.
Ironically, the first place, hot-streaking Dodgers have had the
worst of it, losing arguably the best relief pitcher and
all-around hitter in baseball, namely
Eric Gagne and
But, the Rockies can't seem to put together
a streak of wins long enough to catch up to whomever is the
current leader. They need to make a move soon and get a couple
of teams behind them. These next four games with Arizona may
make or break the season. So far, it looks like they will win
the opener behind a tremendous effort by Frances, if the relief
staff doesn't let him down. Stay tuned Rockies fans, it looks
like it may be a wild ride.
Rockies Trade Helton?
July 30, 2006. Surprisingly, the Denver
Baseball Observer now agrees with the legions of reporters and
fans who believe the Rockies should get rid of Helton while he
still has some market value, especially if they can do it
without assuming the rest of his outrageous salary. Even more of
a surprise, it isn't the money, or the recent illness and slump
that turned the DBO around, but one play in the first inning of
today's game against the first place Padres. These games are
important, because another loss to the Padres would put the
Rocks 6.5 games back, while a win would put them 4.5 games
behind, a two game swing. So, if the team is going to have a
chance, they have to make sure they do everything right. As
their most experienced player, Todd has to lead the way if they
are going to be a winning team. Instead, he plays like a loser,
running into an easy out in the first inning. It was a mistake
rookies don't make, and the brain-dead announcers didn't even
make note of it, showing their total lack of baseball knowledge.
In case you didn't see it, Helton came up in the first inning
Clint Barmes on second base with two outs. With the fleet
(well, fairly fleet) Barmes running on the pitch, Todd grounded
a ball into right field, to weak-armed
Terrmel "Sister" Sledge. Sledge picked up the grounder and
threw to the cutoff man, standing near the pitcher's mound, who
then threw to second, getting the sliding Helton by at least 10
feet. Even if Helton was a rookie, and he didn't know Sledge has
a weak arm, and he didn't see Barmes cross the plate, he
certainly should have been able to tell that the ball was not
hit deep enough and the throw was not going to the plate, and
that the cutoff man was in the perfect position to throw him
out. Had he stayed at first, they may or may not have scored
more runs, but that kind of demoralizing play not only hurts
team morale, it sets a bad precedent. In fact, in the second
inning, JD Closser wandered too far off first base and was
almost doubled off first. He was saved by a bad throw, but then
he compounded the error by trying for second on the overthrow,
only to be thrown out by former Rockie
Josh Bard, who backed up the play. Obviously, the Padres are
a well-coached team and the Rockies are not. But even coaching
can't explain the actions of Helton and Closser, who have been
there long enough to know how the game is played.
But, the good news is, the Rockies took 3
of 4 from the Padres due to some great pitching and are still in
the hunt at 4.5 games out.
July 29, 2006. The Detroit Tigers are the
biggest story in sports today, as they won their 70th game and
have the best record in baseball. Sadly, it could have been the
Rockies instead. The Tigers' manager, you see, is 62 year old
Jim Leyland, the same guy the Rockies hired a few years ago,
then chased out of town, seemingly putting a dark end to what
had been a Hall of Fame career. The Rockies Management brought
him in to manage the team in 1999, but refused to give him any
input into meaningful decisions, including which players would
be on the field. They totally undermined his authority, to the
point that the players wouldn't even listen to him. So, he gave
us one season of well managed games, the only one in Colorado
history, then left town, apparently giving up managing forever.
The Rockies proceeded to hire Buddy Bell to manage the team, but
he wasn't docile enough, having numerous arguments with General
Manager Dan O'Dowd, so they canned him in favor of the ultimate
lackey, Clint Hurdle. Hurdle, as everyone knows, agrees with
management on everything, just happy to be in a position for
which he is totally unqualified. Leyland, on the other hand, was
lured back to baseball by Detroit management, some of whom, I
believe, are ex-Rockies, with the promise of almost total
control over all baseball decisions. He has shown the
considerable talent he always exhibited, in bringing along young
players and brilliantly managing the team to a 70-33 record with
59 games to go, 8.5 games ahead of the World Champion Chicago
White Sox in the AL Central Division. The Tigers were 71-91 last
year, one of the worst teams in baseball, before hiring Mr.
Leyland. The Baseball Observer wishes to congratulate Mr.
Leyland and the Detroit Club and Fans, and wish them well in the
playoffs. Wish they were here.
Vultures are Circling
July 22, 2006. Hopefully, it's only a
coincidence, but since the Observer last commented on how
brilliant the Rockies were doing, they went into a total
collapse, losing 10 of 11 and dropping into last place, 4.5
games out. The local newspapers, after spending the whole season
waxing rhapsodic about how great the Rockies were, are now
piling on, accusing them of being chokers and too inexperienced
to get to the playoffs. Here at the Observer, we are not so
meteoric in our coverage. The Rockies have some good talent, a
horrible manager and a front office you wouldn't wish on the guy
who stole your Barry Bonds rookie card in the fourth grade. They
have been playing way over their heads and those chickens are
now coming home to roost. They are sort of a poor imitation of
the old Montreal Expos - they have managed to put together a
talented young team that has overachieved on stupid arrogance
and sheer youthful enthusiasm - for a while. It is hard for them
now because the grueling season has worn them down and
management has not prepared them to rely on good fundamentals
when the going gets rough. Lastly, like Montreal, there is no
future for these Rockies because the badly managed team will not
have the money to retain any of their young stars when they
become free agents. Other than that, things are great in
July 3, 2006. The Baseball Observer's bad
fortune turned out to be fortunate indeed for the home team
Rockies. While the Observer was out of action due to
circumstances beyond his/her control, the Rockies have been
performing a convincing imitation of a Major League Baseball
Team. In fact, they are 3 games over .500 and within a half game
of the first place Padres in the National League West Division.
And, it is almost the All Star Break! Is that amazing, or what?
The end of
Baseball as we know it
April 3, 2006. Opening day is always
exciting for the baseball fan. But the game itself is usually
the most exciting part of the day. That was not the case at the
Rockies' Home Opener today... Click to read the story.
Day, April 3, 2006, the best day of the year!
March 31, 2006. It's almost here, the day
every baseball fan in Rocky Mountain Land has been waiting for
since last October - The Rockies Home Opener. For this one day,
Baseball is King and nothing else matters. The Baseball Observer
and his family will be in lower downtown (LoDo) early, brunching
at Dixon's Downtown Grill on 16th, followed by a brisk walk up
and down the 16th Street Mall to soak up the atmosphere of game
day. Then grab a lunch to go at the Cheesecake Factory or
Chipotle, and get down to Molson Field before the gates open. If
there is time, we'll cruise the baseball exhibits and street
merchants in the vicinity, then enter the park and walk around
the concourse to see if there have been any changes since last
Then it's up to the seats to observe the
pre-game festivities. A few years ago, the prelude to the game
was fantastic, with big name stars, parades around the
gaudily-decorated field, airplanes flying over, thousands of
helium balloons released, etc. Nowadays, it is a pretty tame
affair, with obscure local businessmen giving speeches and grade
school kids screeching a few of those old familiar songs,
wrapped up by a half-dozen uniformed military men marching in
with flags, followed by some local semi-celebrity crooning the
Star Spangled Banner. But nothing will get us down this day, for
the sun will be shining (or not), and the sky will blue (or
not), and Baseball will be born again in Denver.
Selected "Best of the Worst" for 2006
December 31, 2005. In an article
Feeder Report" in his "Bad Altitude" Blog at
BaseballToaster.com, Mark Donohue concluded that the 2006
Rockies were the best of a bad lot. He compared them to the
Seattle Mariners, Kansas City Royals, Pittsburgh Pirates, and
Tampa Bay Devilrays.
Deserting Sinking Ship
November 6, 2005. Experienced employees
from the Colorado Rockies front office don’t seem to share the
owner's and General Manager’s unbridled enthusiasm for the
future. The best and brightest personnel are leaving for greener
pastures, and following Colorado U.S. executive office
tradition, they are mostly being replaced by cronies with little
if any qualifications for the positions.
Thad Levine left the Rockies, where he was
the Senior Director of Baseball Operations, to become Assistant
General Manager with the Texas Rangers. Levine, 33, was with the
team for 6 years. He is being replaced by Jeff Bridich, 28, who
has been with Colorado for less than a year, as Director of
Minor League Operations.
Walter Sylvester, 36, has been named to “an
assistant post in baseball operations” after working for the
team for less than a year with duties described as “analysis of
Jerry DiPoto resigned as the Rockies director of pro scouting
and was hired as director of player personnel and professional
scouting by the Arizona Diamondbacks. DiPoto himself had little
if any experience beyond pitching when he was hired by the
Rockies about a year ago, and he will not be replaced, according
to the team. Something is fishy about the whole DiPoto deal,
however, because the Rockies talked him into moving to the
announcer's booth to replace George Frazier before he up and
quit. Which is too bad, because even an Arkansas hog caller
would be an improvement over Frazier (no offense intended to AK
Dan Montgomery, who has worked in scouting
with the Rockies since the beginning (which may or may not
indicate competence), showed why he was promoted to Assistant
Director of Scouting with this concentrated flurry of
"To make the jump with this organization really means a lot
to me. I feel good about this organization, especially because
they realize that we have talented people and they do not have
to look outside to fill a job. I think that comes from Dan,
[club president] Keli McGregor and Charlie and Dick Monfort
[chairman/CEO and vice chairman, respectively]. A lot of people
have worked together for a long time; we're friends, and we know
that the people we have can do the job."
The Baseball Observer has to interject here that nobody who
is part of this organization can really lay claim to “doing the
job” in light of the overall absence of success and the steep
downward trend of the business of late. A more appropriate
statement would be “I can’t believe any of us still have jobs,
given our total lack of performance since 1993."
Some formula: hire people with no experience in the industry,
teach them how you’ve managed to build losing teams and chase
away millions of customers for the past five years, then promote
them to positions of responsibility. Yeah, that’ll work!
Minor League Player Honored
November 2, 2005. Matt Miller,
a 6'2", 210 lb. outfielder with the Asheville Tourists won the
Trautman Award in the South Atlantic League, hitting .330 with
30 homers and 100 RBIs. He was also named Most Valuable Player
in the Class A Circuit.
Ends Worst Season Ever With Win
Cook impressive again in 11-3
October 2, 2005. Aaron Cook
looked like a number 1 starter, Clint Barmes and Todd Helton
went deep, and Luis Gonzalez went 3 for 5 with two RBI as
Generation R brought another nightmarish Colorado baseball
season to a close. It's a good thing they are moving to Portland
soon, Denver can't take another season like 2005. With a sub-$50
million budget scheduled for next year, the Rockies will
probably be worse in 2006. If they stayed in Denver, they could super
charge that "humidifier" so that the balls are blocks of ice and
set the record for most no-hitters in a stadium for a season.
Why not? The Commissioner doesn't seem to care what they do.
We Couldn't Make This Stuff
March 17, 2003
Rockies Co-Owner Charlie Monfort bet Denver Post hack Mark
Kiszla dinner that the Rocks would win at least 90 games in
2003! Only missed it by 16.
Rockies' management is actually (according to unreliable sources
at the Denver Newspapers) considering building one or more
hyperbaric batting cages under Coors Field so that hitters
can practice hitting under barometric conditions similar to
those at sea level.
"Expecting to Fly"
A quote from Jim Armstrong's Vacuous column in the Sunday,
March 16, 2003 Denver Post:
Rangers manager Buck Showalter, recalling a conversation he
once had with former Rockies coach Ron Hassey. "He told me:
'One of the worst things that happened to us is we got in
the playoffs that first year at Coors Field. A lot of people
don't realize it was a strike-shortened season. If we had
played a full season, we wouldn't have been in the playoffs.
It gave the organization some unrealistic hope.' " ...
More Proof Hurdle is a Buffoon -or- Why the Rockies Don't
February 19, 2003. Troy E. Renck reported this Clint Hurdle
quote in today's Denver Post: "One of my pet peeves is hearing
pitching guys talking about how guys throw in the bullpen.
I was a hitting guy for a long time, and I never went in and
told the manager that we needed to get a guy in the lineup
because he hit well in BP. That dog doesn't hunt with me."
Why the 2003 Rockies are Not Like the 2002 Angels March 28, 2003.
The Denver news media, not to mention the Rockies themselves,
are spending a lot of time trying to convince fans that Colorado
can be successful this year ...
Check out Mudville
Magazine. It's Baseball, and it's kind of funny!
The 2003 Rockies (74-88) finished in 4th place,
11 games behind LA, 10 games behind AZ, 26.5 games behind
SF, 10 games ahead of SD, and 17 games behind Florida in the
Wild Card race.
Let's see how a SUCCESSFUL businessman runs a baseball team
New bonehead play!
TV coverage of the Rockies: how does this year's compare with
See what ESPN
is saying about the Rockies' future...
Monfort wants to own the team forever...
Rockies new lineup brings hope...
BONEHEAD! Everyone tells you when someone makes a great
play. What about the other kind..
Denver Baseball Coverage Continues Decline
2003. Jose Jimenez and Chris Richard are gone...
Reporting in Denver Falls to a New Low
2003. Troy Renck, chief baseball hack for the Denver Newspaper
Ex-Rockies Factor Plays Out in Both Championship Series
2003. Both participants got to the World Series due to the
ERF (Ex-Rockies Factor).
The 2005 (And Last) Colorado
The roster with The Baseball
"Rule 5" Carvajal
"Last Chance" Chacon
Byung-Hyun "Don't Wake" Kim
Spring Training 2005
Colorado Springs 5, Rockies 1
April 2, 2005. Sky Sox stretch their record to 5-2 against parent
Rangers 11, Rockies 7
April 1, 2005. Rockies finish spring 17-14.
White Sox 9, Colorado 8
March 31, 2005.
Cubs 5, Rockies 4
March 30, 2005.
Colorado 4, White Sox 3
March 29, 2005.
Colorado 7, Arizona 3
March 28, 2005.
Colorado 3, Oakland 7
March 27, 2005. Rockies now 15-11.
7, Chicago Cubs 6
March 26, 2005.
Colorado 5, San Francisco 1
March 25, 2005.
Colorado 1, Arizona 3
March 24, 2005. Called after 5 on account of killer bees.
San Francisco 7, Colorado 5
March 23, 2005.
Seattle 12, Colorado 4
March 21, 2005.
Colorado 6, Kansas City 3
March 20, 2005.
Colorado 4, Oakland 3
March 19, 2005.
Colorado 5, Arizona 2
March 18, 2005.
March 17, 2005.
Rockies 5, Angels 2
March 16, 2005.
Texas 1, Colorado 0
March 15, 2005.
Colorado 11, Arizona 8
March 14, 2005.
Chicago 9, Rockies
March 13, 2005.
Brewers 17, Rockies 9
March 12, 2005. In
March 11, 2005. In
March 10, 2005. In
March 9, 2005. In
March 8, 2005. In
Rox Beat Royals 8-7
March 7, 2005. In
Buried By Texas 16-1
March 6, 2005. In
Rockies Beat Angels 7-6
March 5, 2005. In
March 4, 2005. They had a chance, but that old familiar song
began playing in the late innings as the relief pitchers failed to
hold the White Sox, who surged to a 7-5 victory in the Rockies
spring home opener at Hi Corbett field in Tucson.
March 2, 2005. In the first contest of the 13th and final season
for Colorado Rockies baseball, the team cruised to an easy 8 to 4
victory over the Chicago White Sox. Third baseman Jeff Baker was the
hitting star for the Rocks, with a 3-run homerun in the 9th. Baker,
Clemson teammate of San Diego rookie sensation Khalil Greene, hit
.321 with 15 homeruns while splitting the season between single A
Visalia and double A Tulsa in the Rockies farm system in 2004.
Losers for 2004
First Place: Archie, Peyton, and
The beginning of
the year found these three geniuses trying to quietly hold the
National Football League and the San Diego Chargers hostage by
telling them that Eli Manning, the projected number 1 draft pick,
would not play for San Diego if they drafted him. They wanted the
NFL to discreetly arrange for Eli to be drafted by a more acceptable
team, i.e. one in a bigger media market and a better chance to make
it to the Super Bowl than the Chargers, who had a 4 win, 12 loss
record in 2003.
NFL and the Chargers took offense at the sheer audacity and greed of
the trio, and made the whole thing public, humiliating the Mannings.
Then, all three Mannings publicly stated that the Chargers were not
only the worse team in football, but were also liars and charlatans,
and that Eli would never allow them to draft him.
The next picture
we saw, of course, was a smiling Eli holding up a Charger jersey as
the team announced his selection as the first pick of the 2004
Later that day,
the Chargers laughed again, as they traded Eli to the New York
Giants for a package of players and draft picks that could only be
described as robbery, grossly in favor of the Chargers.
Later that year,
the Giants proved to be a poor team, especially so with Eli at
quarterback, where his record stands at 1 win and 6 losses as of the
end of the year.
Still later that
year, Peyton and his team, the Indianapolis Colts, barely managed to
beat the Chargers with a combination of home field advantage and
miraculous lucky breaks, in overtime, by a field goal, putting to
rest the Manning’s contention that the 12-4 Chargers are a grossly
inferior team. Ironically, had Eli played for the Chargers, this
would probably have been a triumphant moment for the family, with
the two leading quarterbacks in football, and brothers, going head
to head on the road to the Super Bowl. Instead, experts are
predicting that Eli will never be a top quarterback because the
Giants system is not designed to feature that position
(coincidentally San Diego’s system does feature the quarterback, and
Eli would have been given the starting job).
To add insult
to injury, Peyton Manning surpassed the mark for number of touchdown
passes in a season, but experts are saying that record is tainted
because new rules this year make it much more difficult for teams to
defend the pass. As a further irony, the all-time touchdown wizard
couldn't manage even one in the 20-3 blowout playoff loss to the
Patriots, even though both of the Pat's starting cornerbacks were
injured and did not play, and one of the safeties usually plays wide
Second Place: PeopleSoft
vendor of mediocre-quality ERP software, had maybe the worst year in
corporate history by a company that didn’t go out of business. ERP,
by the way, stands for Enterprise Resource Planning, a euphemism for
a complete company software system that provides programs to control
virtually everything from Accounting to Manufacturing to Payroll,
started the year out by buying a smaller competitor, and paying way
too much, weakening the company financially. Then they spent the
rest of the year stubbornly fighting off a takeover bid by a much
larger company, Oracle. Fighting the merger cost the company over a
billion dollars in sales and millions in legal fees, not to mention
the damage done by neglecting their customers, shaking up their
management, and destroying their public image. They eventually lost
anyway and were taken over by Oracle, at a lower price than some of
the previous offers, thus costing their stockholders even more
money. Oracle promptly fired most of PeopleSoft's management.
Other than that,
PeopleSoft had a great year.
Mention: The Colorado Rockies, for obvious
Bye, Tug. We'll Miss You
January 6, 2004. Tug McGraw, the guy with the cherub-face and the
million dollar smile, who couldn't stop beating his knee with his
glove, or making the big pitch when it counted the most, is gone. He
died yesterday at his son, Tim McGraw's home in Nashville, of brain
cancer at age 59.
These days, with everyone screaming about Pete Rose, more time
should be devoted to guys like Tug, who will never be in the Hall of
Fame, but provided many of the Hall of Fame moments that make
baseball the kind of game that continues to pull at the heartstrings
of its fans, young and old, in spite of the slimy antics of many of
it's protagonists like Rose and the Rockies management, to name but
So long, Tug. I, for one, will miss you a lot.